I’m not sure if “nervous” is the correct word, but it will have to do. Over the years I’ve developed even more idiosyncrasies than I thought possible. They certainly ebb and flow and are not consistent at all so I’m not even sure if they would even be diagnosed as habits. I’m not proud of them, but I do not have any intention of quelling them any time soon.
1. I desperately, frantically, anxiously check my phone. This has been in place since I started texting in 2005. When I had a razor, I would hit the side button to see if an envelope would show up on the screen, in the days of my BlackBerry I would touch any button to make sure I didn’t have a notification on the top of my screen and now with my Droid, I not-so-casually tap the top right power button to check time, texts, emails, etc. Thing is, I have notifications set up. My phone vibrates and makes a small beeping noise when ANY communication is being sent through. Knowing this, I continue to check as if maybe my hyper-sensitive senses didn’t pick up on the text I just received. There’s also a light on my Droid that blinks if by chance I’ve missed the notification so if its not lit, it means there is no message yet I continue to check.
2. Check my watch. Same deal here. I’m looking at my watch that currently has tick marks and I can barely tell the difference between 4pm and 5pm (ok it’s only happened half a dozen times) and I’m not even checking the time. I know what time it is, I just checked my phone.
3. Touch my hair. I understand all girls do this, but I have very little hair and for some reason I continue to touch, fix, adjust even though its making it much greasier and not helping the situation at all. I need a shock collar.
4. Bite my bottom lip. I’ve only noticed this one recently, and I can only imagine what it looks like to a bystander. It’s as if I’m always contemplating something but truly in my head I’m just trying to recall if I remembered to put the cap on my toothpaste.
5. Incessantly rub my decolletage. Before you think ew, its your collar bone/neck area. I don’t break out in hives or anything, but for some reason if I’m super stressed I start rubbing that area as if they are about to appear at any time. I’m anticipating an allergic reaction that is not going to happen.
For someone who prides herself on being able to interact with others, I’m highly nervous all. the. time. I can’t explain what I’m nervous about because it wouldn’t make sense to people who are not hyper-hyper-aware of their surroundings. If you see me in the zone, I’m completely tuning everything out in order to avoid pulling my hair out or biting through my lip.